Why do young kids do opposite to what they are told to do?

 It is commonly said in various societies that if you want to tell a child not to do something, it is better you tell them to do it. Where does that come from, and how does it come about?

Self-concept, emotional and moral aspects are the aspects that concern personality development. For the period between 2 to 6 years, there is a development of the self-concept that starts with self-awareness and includes self-esteem as well as gender identity. Towards the end of the later infancy period, infants can recognise themselves through the mirror, they can specify their name, their sex, their skills, etc., and compare themselves with others. They are also aware of social acceptance.

3-year old children are characterised by the personality crisis also known as the opposition crisis. It is the expression of self-assertiveness. The child opposes others to express his/her autonomy and independence, which is made possible by the ability to walk and to speak the language of his environment.

Considering the expression of their emotions, their happiness is quite spontaneous. They jump up and down, clap their hands, and laugh out loud, etc. to indicate their joy and excitement. Fear, which is caused by a specific object or situation, and anxiety which refers to specific reactions that a child experiences during anticipated or actual separation from the parent or caregivers, is traumatic and influences later adjustment and functioning. 

Children’s reactions to separation can be divided into protest, despair and detachment phases. During the protest phase, children cry a great deal and search for their parents. Then, there is increasing despair over the possibility that the parents will never come back. For the last phase, children show interest in their environment and if the parents return, they can reject them.

Complex emotions like shame, embarrassment that starts to emerge at 18 months continue to develop during early childhood. Empathy, which refers to a person’s understanding of others’ situations and feelings, develops. Pre-schoolers learn avoidance strategies as a means to control or regulate their emotions and start masking an emotional state for example, not to cry in front of a friend.